yvette visits the dentist

once upon a time this morning, yvette went to see the oral surgeon in order to remove her painful wisdom teeth. on her way, she realized that there were 4 dentist office locations on the same street, and although she knew what the full name of the building was, she was unable to locate it. finally, she saw something! there was one office with writing ALL OVER IT. it took some deciphering and a few U-turns, but yvette was able to read the familiar title and go inside!

the inside of the dental office was a zoo. kids were everywhere, parents were letting them do whatever they wanted. it was loud and crazy. yvette wondered if it was too late to leave. her name was called. as she waited at the table for the dental assistant to charge for her "consultation", the dental assistant gave yvette some bad news. she told yvette that her insurance would not be covering the removal of her painful wisdom teeth, but after the consultation, she would discuss what yvette would have to pay after they were removed.

shortly thereafter, yvette was taken to a room, where another dental assistant helped her. this dental assistant was very nice, but she was about to go on her break, so she asked another dental assistant to come in. the new dental assistant, who i will call dental ass. for short, rightly earned her title (it is important to note that yvette does not enjoy nor promote the use of profanity, but the stress of the visit and the painful wisdom teeth were getting the best of her). dental ass. walked into the room, looked at yvette's x-ray, and concluded that there were three wisdom teeth that needed to be removed. yvette wondered how long it took dental ass. to figure out that obvious fact. dental ass. then informed yvette that the cost would be $950. "NINE-HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS?!?!?" yvette yelled in her head. she thought about it and decided to call her parents for advice on what to do.

the phone rang. yvette's mom answered. "mom," yvette said, "they said it would cost $950 to get my 3 wisdom teeth removed. the insurance won't pay. what should i do?"

"don't do anything! go get a second opinion somewhere else!" yvette's mom said.

ending the conversation in anger and pain from her horrid wisdom teeth, yvette was so upset that she almost began to cry, and she had every reason to. but she didn't, because her phone rang, and it was her mom again. "if you're in pain, get them removed. we'll figure things out" she said.

yvette told the dental ass. that since her left two teeth were the painful ones, she would like to get those removed in order to opt for a lower cost. the dental ass. quickly replied, "you mean your right two teeth" as rudely as she possibly could. she continued, "you only have one tooth on your left side."

"then how do you explain the extra tooth that's growing on my left side?" yvette replied, with wit and an undertone of snide.

"either you're wrong, or they labeled the x-ray wrong" the dental ass. replied, as though to make yvette feel stupid for being wrong. little did she know that she was the idiot who was about to be proven wrong.

the dental ass. finally had the ingenious idea to put the x-ray down and look inside yvette's mouth. lo and behold! she found two wisdom teeth on the left side. yvette was right. the dental ass. left the room and sent someone else in to give yvette the payment information. i guess dental ass. felt stupid for being so forward with her wrong diagnosis.

the receptionist was sent in her place, and she told yvette that the cost would be $700. yvette got her mom's information and gave it to the receptionist, then she was led out to another waiting area.

it was now 10:30. yvette was going to lose her mind, seeing as she made it to the office at 8:50 that morning. she saw an electrical outlet and thought about how badly she would rather electricute herself instead of waiting for the dentist to come pull her teeth for $700. at 11:15, the first, nice dental assistant came to get yvette. she immediately took her into a room and began to numb her, in preparation for the dentist's work.

the old, funny dentist came in. he took care of business and was so pleasant. although she suffered pain from the removal of her teeth, the dentist and the dental assistant were so nice to her that she nearly forgot that she spent the morning in hell.

even though yvette is still going through a lot, she learned a valuable lesson- never forget that there is good in every situation. yvette admitted to herself that she often refuses to see the good in horrible situations because sometimes it is easier to wallow in self-pity. yvette understands that she will be stressed, and as a matter of fact, she still is. on the other hand, she understands that things will work out eventually.

as for the healthcare system, it is interesting to note that yvette recently watched a documentary entitled sicko, and is determined to live in another country that provides free or low cost healthcare. today's circumstance proved to be a prime example of worthless insurance companies. yvette looked at this situation with a hope that one day, she will be far from these worries in another country, where none of this actually matters.

the end.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

thanks to neuroscience, it might work soon.

http://health.msn.com/health-topics/mental-health/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100218962&gt1=31036

...would you want to erase a memory from your life?

unmet longings

"What God uses to awaken desire is not necessarily what we long for. The things 'in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things...are good images of what we desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself.' They are not what we are longing for."

--John Eldredge; Walking With God

farewell facebook.

this weekend i was asked what keeps me from experiencing the freedom i was meant for. i realized that my answer was pain. so i asked God what he wanted me to do about that. he said, "delete your facebook." halfway through my question of "seriously," i was shot down with the quickest "yes!" response ever.

i'll manage. and it will help to not be faced with the person who causes me to grieve every day. i just wanted to clarify to the few of you who actually read this.

silence.

it's almost as if i'm looking in a mirror and i can't recognize myself. things have been different-- not bad and certainly not good, just different. it's not apathy this time; it's more of an attenuation of things that i care less about. the more important things are breaking through, but that makes things harder sometimes. i suddenly have more time for homework that i've been neglecting, i have time to spend with the family, and i suppose there's time for friends, though at the moment i feel quite distant from everyone. it's not them; it's definitely me.

i've been getting in the car and turning on my ipod, but it's almost as if i'm on another planet. my thoughts don't venture into new places; i guess i'm just trying to get through the day, even though i can't remotely picture what the end of my day could look like. i think of my problems (or rather, my one gigantic problem) and i get nostalgic. but not past the point of grief lasting for more than 5 minutes a day. it's more of a thought process. the more i remember, the more i learn about myself and my mistakes.

every thought has begun to silence me, especially thoughts about the wickedness of our hearts and how it plays out with the injustice in the world. i can't explain the way this feels. i almost feel temporarily disabled by a headache that doesn't hurt. i know i'm fine; i'm just confused. why the silence? why do i get in the car, listen to my favorite songs, and feel like a mute person who doesn't have a voice to sing? have i been so effected by my problems that i've driven myself into checkout mode? possibly. and now my apathy kicks in.

maybe i'm actually starting to care about myself? or maybe i've been abducted by aliens!

love is the answer...

chris tomlin sings a beautiful song that says, "love is the answer, love will find a way. when we love one another, it's a brighter day." i can't help but agree with these wonderful lyrics, but what happens when you've been hurt so badly by people who "love" you that your paradigm of love is completely twisted? your view of love becomes something tragic; it can catastrophically ruin your life and the lives of others...

something a friend brought up last night really resonated in my heart. she said, "hurt people hurt people." the clouds began to clear as i realized what this meant for me. then a great sadness hovered when i remembered the abused children i worked with at the royal family kids camp last summer. what about them? will their views and practices of love be completely distorted? it is absolutely heartbreaking.

i am realizing more and more that if we learn to love each other, truly and passionately as Christ loves us, we would drive out this problem. there wouldn't be kids committing suicide or people who cry themselves to sleep. we would all be surrounded by love in such an intense way that our problems would fizzle in the midst of a beautiful day among friends.

i long for that love.

...maybe i'm just a hippie?

yahweh

Take these shoes
Click clacking down some dead end street
Take these shoes and make them fit
Take this shirt
Polyester white trash made in nowhere
Take this shirt and make it clean, clean
Take this soul
Stranded in some skin and bonesTake this soul and make it sing

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I'm waiting for the dawn

Take these hands
Teach them what to carry
Take these hands, don't make a fist
Take this mouth
So quick to criticize
Take this mouth, give it a kiss

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a
child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I'm waiting for the dawn

The sun is coming up on the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, tell me now
Why the dark before the dawn?

Take this city
A city should be shining on a hill
Take this city
If it be your will
What no man can own,no man can take
Take this heart
Take this heart
Take this heart
And make it break

--U2: Yahweh