why?

i think it's really funny when i find peace in old crystal lewis songs. this one can't be more true of what i'm feeling at the moment...

My thoughts they overwhelm me
My mind cannot contain
The pain that is within me
Why?
I long for understanding
I live to know the peace
that comes from being sure of something
My eyes are blind to your ways, oh Lord
Yet I've seen you love and care, so...

I rest in your knowing
Though I may not know
I take on your strength as though it were my own
Standing on the promises your word for me provides
I find therein the answer
To the question "Why?"...

My complaint today is bitter
But sweet is your reply
My questioning still lingers though, "why?"
You know each road I travel down
My heart and Yours are one
I just don't see the good in all this
My eyes are blind to your ways, oh Lord
yet I've seen you love and care so...

I rest in your knowing
Though I may not know
I take on your strength as though it were my own
Standing on the promises your word for me provides
I find therein the answer
To the question "Why?"...

Through suffering and sorrow
Comes peace beyond belief
For our present set of circumstances
Serve only to remind us of the gold we can't yet see

I rest in your knowing
Though I may not know
I take on your strength as though it were my own
Standing on the promises your word for me provides
I find therein the answer
To the question "Why?"

--crystal lewis, "why?"

i can't pretend that i have any idea of what's going on, nor can i pretend that i'm not angry and hurt. however, i can try to understand that it is unexplainable for now. i can try to understand that God knows his plans better than i do...

it's not easy. nobody said it would be.

i'm not happy. but the goal of my life is not happiness.

if i could sing this song and MEAN IT, i might actually be on to something...