put your money up your butt.

i hate the total consumer attitude that everyone has here. you kind of get sucked into it when you get too close. why does everyone need to accumulate so much stuff? to impress everyone else of course. it's competition. it just gets ridiculously out of control. i hate it with a burning passion.

i'm just so bored of being here. i know it's not like this everywhere else in the world. i want to live somewhere where other things matter-- where nobody drives expensive cars or has brand name clothes exploding out of their unused clothes drawers... somewhere where nobody cares about how much money you make because they would be your friends if you were homeless or the richest person on earth.

why accumulate so much crap? what is the point? i just don't understand.

heartache.

she dreams about heaven
remembering hell
as a nightmare she visits
and knows all too well.

a mirror is harder to hold.

You could stay a while longer
We could stay up and talk about last summer
We could go down to the water, watch the sunset going under
It's not that I’m a stranger to lonely moments
I’ve had my share of those

Please don’t go please don’t leave me alone
A mirror is so much harder to hold

I could try to point a finger
But the glass points in my direction
Sure you’ve got your sharp edges but my wounds are from my own reflection
You’ve got nothing I could ever hold against you
Ive got fatal flaws to call my own

Please don’t go, please don’t leave me alone
A mirror’s so much harder to hold

I met a man who was looking for perfection
Said he’d never met a girl who was good enough
His eyes are getting old like they’d love to love again
Such a lonely man
Such a lonely man

I see him in my reflection taking steps toward me these days
So I hold you that much closer and pray we don’t throw this away
It’s not that I’m a man who couldn’t love you
I know what these arms are for

Please don’t go please don’t leave me alone
A mirror’s so much harder to hold
A mirror’s so much harder to hold

Please don’t go please, don’t leave me cold
A mirror’s so much harder to hold

--Jon Foreman; A Mirror is Harder to Hold

metaphor.

there once was a farmer who spent his whole morning piling large stacks of hay in his barn. after he finished, he realized that he had lost his watch in the process. knowing that it would probably never be found among the hay, he didn't even try looking for it.

after he told his son what had happened, his son was determined to find the watch. although his father insisted that it was never to be found, he was absolutely sure that he could find it. so he laid down near the hay stacks and stilled his body until all he could hear was the beat of his own heart. then he waited and became more still. eventually he heard the ticking of the watch, located it, then returned it to his father.

sometimes we need to be so still that we can only hear the beat of our own hearts. then we need to listen even closer to hear God's whisper.

the difference between a wound and a scar.

wound:

• suffering
  
• vulnerability
  
• possible bleeding
  
• you need to clean and cover it to avoid it from festering
• only someone who knows how to fix it should be allowed near it

scar:

• you've lived past the pain
• no longer bleeding
• the vulnerability of the wound has lost its power
  
• its mark lives as a testimony to what you've fought
• the more pain you allowed to fix it while it was a wound, the smaller the scar will be

is it possible to be between a wound and a scar?

death that brought me life; blood that brought me home.

Have I come too casually?
Because it seems to me
There's something I've neglected
How does one approach a Deity with informality
And still protect the Sacred?

Cause You came and chose to wear the skin of all of us
And it's easy to forget You left a throne

And the line gets blurry all the time
Between daily and Divine
And it's hard to know the difference

Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Face down on the ground do I dare
To take the liberty to stare at you
Oh, let me not,
Oh, let me not forget to tremble

What a shame to think that I'd appear
Even slightly cavalier
In the matter of salvation
Do I claim this gift You freely gave
As if it were mine to take
With such little hesitation?

Cause You came and stood among the very least of us
And it's easy to forget you left a throne

Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Oh, let me not forget to tremble
Face down on the ground do I dare
To take the liberty to stare at you
Oh, let me not
Oh, let me not forget to tremble

The cradle of the grave could not contain Your Divinity
Neither can I oversimplify this love

Oh, let me not forget to tremble

Face down on the ground do I dare
To take the liberty to stare at you
Oh, let me
Oh, let me not forget to tremble

--Nichole Nordeman; Tremble

why does it seem so easy to forget what i'm living for? as a christian, i found my entire belief system on Jesus' death and resurrection. over the past few weeks, i've been so frustrated with myself because of the fact that i have made the cross so ordinary. i've heard the story about a million times since i was 4 years old, and somehow it constantly just becomes another one of those stories. unfortunately, i often have to remind myself of its gravity.

"And now I sing freedom for all my days
It's only by the power of the cross I'm raised
THE KING OF GLORY RESCUED ME"
--Steve Fee; Beautiful the Blood

please be honest when you ask yourself this question: how often do i think about the cross?

i can't help but think that if i thought about the cross as much as i should, my life would be radically different. how differently would i value myself if i was able to see why Christ died for me? how much more would i hate sin if i realized that it was my very own sin that put Christ on the cross?

Jesus, when i think about you and your cross, LET ME NOT FORGET TO TREMBLE.

a series of unfortunate events?

He was throwing grain into the ground below, ground below

With dreary circles of his arm, going slow, very slow

His cap pulled down round his ears to

Hide the smile and watery tears

My loving wife is so wonderful

How small seeds gracefully to grow

Into beautiful things that spring from these rows

With their musical names and musical sound

Dreary birds parade across the dreary sky, but down below

The woman absentmindedly begins to sow, how she sows

the seeds her husband loved so much,

but he's no longer here with us

But her life is so beautiful

As memories continue to grow

Into beautiful things that spring from these rows

With their musical names and musical sound

Beautiful things that spring from these rows

With their musical names and musical sounds, and musical sounds

Distant though I am

Orange, gold, and green

Firing, flaming, colors surround me

I'm always wondering where you are.

I'm always wondering where you are.

Darling shouldn't I be the one wondering

after all I am the one who is gone

I'm always wondering where you are.

I'm always wondering where you are.

Darling shouldn't I be the one wondering

after all I am the one who is gone

I'm always wondering.

I was just wondering.

I was just wondering.

I'm the one...who is gone

Who is gone

But, there's beautiful things that spring from these rows

With their musical names, and musical sounds

Musical sounds

--Eisley; Memories

last night, i watched "a series of unfortunate events" and was deeply intrigued by the moral of the story. in the movie, three siblings were orphaned and tormented by a crazy, money-seeking relative who makes their lives miserable. throughout the movie, each child had an amazing characteristic that they used selflessly in efforts to help their siblings survive through the madness of their circumstances. at the end of the movie, it was noted that they could easily label their lives as a series of unfortunate events; however, it depends on how you look at the situation. if you looked at it from another perspective, specifically looking at each child's character, they shone through each situation. therefore, their lives could be noted fortunate, despite their circumstances.

interestingly, it was a moral that i needed to hear last night. in a struggle with sin, it is easy for me to dispell my life as unfortunate, stagnant, or even worthless. fortunately, God doesn't see my life that way. he wants me to look past my series of unfortunate events and see the small things that shine through my circumstances. he wants me to look past my failures and my hardships and realize that there is more to the story-- there is a fortune in the making.