to whom much was given

Luke 12:48 says, "to whom much was given, of him much will be required." As I listened to some conversations over the past week, I realized how badly we have missed the point when it comes to following Jesus. I wondered what humility looks like in a generation that honors pride and self worth above love for others. I considered the topics of conversation, and the importance they reflected on people's lives. TV shows. Facebook. Nice cars. A cute boyfriend/girlfriend. The newest cell phone. An incredible education to bring self worth.

Nothing is wrong with these things. The problem that I have with them is this: we are often so concerned with ourselves that we build a pride that somehow, in our minds, places us above other people. How far do we let this go?

What happened to walking justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly before God? What happened to loving your neighbor as yourself? What happened to loving God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength? Do we think these things don't apply to us? Do you think when we neglect to care for people in need, we do these things?

None of this is easy, but are we really trying as hard as we possibly can? I want to love God with every fiber of my being, and it is extremely difficult. I know I'm not a good person. I know that I neglect others. I know that I'm a selfish pig and that I will continually screw up. Despite these shortcomings, how badly do I want to become a woman after God's heart? What do I need to do in order to pursue Him?

Turn off the TV. Turn off the computer. Stop texting. Do it for one hour. Decide that you want to spend more time in God's presence than you will with any of these other things.

Then, give yourself away to God and to others. Give your spare change to the homeless man on the street corner. Better yet, put yourself in a difficult situation by giving more than you can handle. Give him everything in your wallet and ask God for help with your finances. He asks for your everything; do you think He would leave you to starve to death if you gave away your food money in His name?

The most beautiful thing about giving yourself away is that while you help others, you put your trust in God on the line. You actually ask Him to take care of you from a place of need. You lay down your rights to depend on your parents, your paycheck, your education. You learn to depend on God. That is something that we should be desperate for.

We have become to comfortable and reliant on ourselves. We have been given so much, and now, much is required of us. Sadly, we are missing the point and we don't care to do anything about it. What would happen if we decided to do things right for once? What if we lived as though the story of our lives would be read by the world?

If your life story was mentioned in the Bible, what would it say? Would you be mediocre; a disappointment to God? Or would you be the person who God is pleased with; the person who loves others so much that it hurts? The one who gives so much away that they have nothing? The person who lives so passionately that there is no other explanation but God? Right now, as you look at your life, do you think your name would even be worth mentioning?

If you simply don't care about any of the questions above, then do this: stop telling people that you're Christian. If you can't believe that God's power will take care of you, then why believe in Him at all? Stop saying that you're doing things in Jesus' name, when you are choosing to trust, believe, and live for Him only on Sundays. Don't you dare disgrace the name of Jesus by living your life with Him on the sidelines.

Let's be what we are meant to be! Let's live our lives of love to God. Let's live in the reality that we are nothing. I don't want to define you by your job, education, or friends. I want to know you by the song of love that pours out of your heart when we live lives of meaning with each other.

I can't think of a better way to end this blog than with the lyrics to a favorite song of mine.

We're looking to Your promise of old
That if we pray and humble ourselves
You will come and heal our land
You will come
You will come

We're looking to the promise You made
That if we turn and look to Your face
You will come and heal our land
You will come
You will come to us

Lord, send revival, start with me
For I am one of unclean lips
And my eyes have seen the King
Your glory I have glimpsed
Send revival, start with me
--Matt Redman, Send Revival, Start With Me.

simply beautiful.

"This is what God has done for us. He has come into our condition. He has come to bring us back. He has come and embraced us. He has come and covered us in Himself. Watch this Christ. Watch as He is accused of being a drunkard, of associating with tax collectors. Watch as He brings healing to the afflicted, love to prostitutes, forgiveness to sinners. Watch as He climbs the hill bearing His destruction on His back. Watch as blood and water flow. Watch as salvation comes to us all. Watch as glory ascends to come again. Watch and fall in love with a God who does not resolve, whose rescue is never-ending. Whose prayer is that you would be the rescue. Who sends you to be that rescue. Be courageous. Even as you stand there hiding in the bushes, shaking to the bottom of your toes, frightened of what's to follow, what consequences will come of it, know that evil will not prevail. That you are not alone. That you bring the kingdom of God and there is hope. There is hope always. And others will walk out of dark places and see you standing there, arms outstretched, given completely to this hope."

-- David Crowder, Praise Habit

a worthy reminder.

"The universe has somewhere around 200,000,000,000 galaxies. In our galaxy alone, there are about 100,000,000,000 stars, and there are over 6,000,000,000 people living and breathing right now. Why on earth would He bother coming toward me? I am tiny. I am a dot. Yet here He is with His heart in my chest and we're locked in embrace and I'm not sure exactly when it happened but something fired inside of me, and now my arms are around Him, and people are watching, and I will tell you about it. I don't think I can help it. No more than the stars in a black velvet sky can keep from it."

--David Crowder, Praise Habit.

i'm intrigued by these lyrics.

Shoot a dream in your arm and sleep away
It's not the stuff that kills you, that keeps your life at bay
Every crash pulls you in reach
Of a watershed of signal flares that cover your beach

These are just placebos to make us feel all right
Illusions in our pockets make our feather float us high
For a second I thought I saw you eyelids rise
For a moment something restless caught you by surprise,
Surprise, surprise

We are so beautiful when we sleep
Hearts of gold and eyes so deep, deep, deep
But love won't cure the chaos
And hope won't hide the loss
And peace is not the heroine that shouts above the cause
And love is wild for reasons
And hope though short in sight
Might be the only thing that wakes you by surprise
Surprise, surprise

Dream little one
See the world just begun

Love is wild for reasons
And hope feels short in sight
Might be the only thing that brings you back to life
For a moment I thought I saw your eyelids rise...

SURPRISE.

--Jars of Clay

Bill Gates is a radical.

it's true:

malaria

home sweet home

i know, i have been back for two full weeks and i haven't blogged about my trip. how do you blog about the greatest experience of your life? i think it just has to be left unblogged.

but one thing intrigues me. i have a gulu shaped hole in my heart. there's just something about that place that makes me feel more at home than i actually feel at home. i know i will return soon. the question is, will i ever come back here?

...prepare for randomly blogged snippets of my experience.

Uganda

I can't believe I'll be on my way tomorrow!!!!!!

why we yawn...

here's an article that might be on to something.

Why we yawn

let go.

i always think it's interesting how you could hate a song, then suddenly it makes sense and you love it.

i woke up singing this song, the only one on the cd that i would skip, and it was actually the answer to a prayer that i said later in the day... don't you love it when that happens?

We must learn to see without our eyes
We must learn to hear without our ears
We must learn to feel without our hands
There is something greater

It’s the second alive, it’s the second alive,
It’s the second waking up

Let go, let go and come to life
Take a walk in the burning heart of God
We come alive when we lose our lives
Take a walk in the burning heart of God

Now the Spirit opens up your eyes
So let your heart come listen
Come and open up your hands
This God is greater

It’s the second alive, it’s the second alive,
It’s the second waking up

Let go, let go and come to life
Take a walk in the burning heart of God
We come alive when we lose our lives
Take a walk in the burning heart of God

I come alive every time that I let go
I cling to You as I walk into the unknown
And as I’m walking I am sure that I am not alone
Letting go, letting go

Let go, let go and come to life
Take a walk in the burning heart of God
We come alive when we lose our lives
Take a walk in the burning heart of God

--Charlie Hall, The Second Alive

phonoagnosia!

i'm the biggest nerd ever, but this article was really interesting.

http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/11/18/1679578.aspx?GT1=43001

true beauty.

i just read this and i thought it was wonderful.

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed;
never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you will find one at the end of each of your arms.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands;
one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.
--Audrey Hepburn

HAHAHA

my dad was writing a letter today, as he turned to ask, "if you don't know who you're sending the letter to, can you start it by saying, 'dear lady or gentleman'?"

i laughed and said, "no, it would be better if you started it with 'to whom it may concern'."

in a confused voice, he said, "what?????"

"to whom it may concern" i said again.

as he typed it onto the screen, my mom was passing by, when she nearly died of laughter. she read the letter, which started with the phrase, "to home it may concern"!

yvette visits the dentist

once upon a time this morning, yvette went to see the oral surgeon in order to remove her painful wisdom teeth. on her way, she realized that there were 4 dentist office locations on the same street, and although she knew what the full name of the building was, she was unable to locate it. finally, she saw something! there was one office with writing ALL OVER IT. it took some deciphering and a few U-turns, but yvette was able to read the familiar title and go inside!

the inside of the dental office was a zoo. kids were everywhere, parents were letting them do whatever they wanted. it was loud and crazy. yvette wondered if it was too late to leave. her name was called. as she waited at the table for the dental assistant to charge for her "consultation", the dental assistant gave yvette some bad news. she told yvette that her insurance would not be covering the removal of her painful wisdom teeth, but after the consultation, she would discuss what yvette would have to pay after they were removed.

shortly thereafter, yvette was taken to a room, where another dental assistant helped her. this dental assistant was very nice, but she was about to go on her break, so she asked another dental assistant to come in. the new dental assistant, who i will call dental ass. for short, rightly earned her title (it is important to note that yvette does not enjoy nor promote the use of profanity, but the stress of the visit and the painful wisdom teeth were getting the best of her). dental ass. walked into the room, looked at yvette's x-ray, and concluded that there were three wisdom teeth that needed to be removed. yvette wondered how long it took dental ass. to figure out that obvious fact. dental ass. then informed yvette that the cost would be $950. "NINE-HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS?!?!?" yvette yelled in her head. she thought about it and decided to call her parents for advice on what to do.

the phone rang. yvette's mom answered. "mom," yvette said, "they said it would cost $950 to get my 3 wisdom teeth removed. the insurance won't pay. what should i do?"

"don't do anything! go get a second opinion somewhere else!" yvette's mom said.

ending the conversation in anger and pain from her horrid wisdom teeth, yvette was so upset that she almost began to cry, and she had every reason to. but she didn't, because her phone rang, and it was her mom again. "if you're in pain, get them removed. we'll figure things out" she said.

yvette told the dental ass. that since her left two teeth were the painful ones, she would like to get those removed in order to opt for a lower cost. the dental ass. quickly replied, "you mean your right two teeth" as rudely as she possibly could. she continued, "you only have one tooth on your left side."

"then how do you explain the extra tooth that's growing on my left side?" yvette replied, with wit and an undertone of snide.

"either you're wrong, or they labeled the x-ray wrong" the dental ass. replied, as though to make yvette feel stupid for being wrong. little did she know that she was the idiot who was about to be proven wrong.

the dental ass. finally had the ingenious idea to put the x-ray down and look inside yvette's mouth. lo and behold! she found two wisdom teeth on the left side. yvette was right. the dental ass. left the room and sent someone else in to give yvette the payment information. i guess dental ass. felt stupid for being so forward with her wrong diagnosis.

the receptionist was sent in her place, and she told yvette that the cost would be $700. yvette got her mom's information and gave it to the receptionist, then she was led out to another waiting area.

it was now 10:30. yvette was going to lose her mind, seeing as she made it to the office at 8:50 that morning. she saw an electrical outlet and thought about how badly she would rather electricute herself instead of waiting for the dentist to come pull her teeth for $700. at 11:15, the first, nice dental assistant came to get yvette. she immediately took her into a room and began to numb her, in preparation for the dentist's work.

the old, funny dentist came in. he took care of business and was so pleasant. although she suffered pain from the removal of her teeth, the dentist and the dental assistant were so nice to her that she nearly forgot that she spent the morning in hell.

even though yvette is still going through a lot, she learned a valuable lesson- never forget that there is good in every situation. yvette admitted to herself that she often refuses to see the good in horrible situations because sometimes it is easier to wallow in self-pity. yvette understands that she will be stressed, and as a matter of fact, she still is. on the other hand, she understands that things will work out eventually.

as for the healthcare system, it is interesting to note that yvette recently watched a documentary entitled sicko, and is determined to live in another country that provides free or low cost healthcare. today's circumstance proved to be a prime example of worthless insurance companies. yvette looked at this situation with a hope that one day, she will be far from these worries in another country, where none of this actually matters.

the end.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

thanks to neuroscience, it might work soon.

http://health.msn.com/health-topics/mental-health/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100218962&gt1=31036

...would you want to erase a memory from your life?

unmet longings

"What God uses to awaken desire is not necessarily what we long for. The things 'in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things...are good images of what we desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself.' They are not what we are longing for."

--John Eldredge; Walking With God

farewell facebook.

this weekend i was asked what keeps me from experiencing the freedom i was meant for. i realized that my answer was pain. so i asked God what he wanted me to do about that. he said, "delete your facebook." halfway through my question of "seriously," i was shot down with the quickest "yes!" response ever.

i'll manage. and it will help to not be faced with the person who causes me to grieve every day. i just wanted to clarify to the few of you who actually read this.

silence.

it's almost as if i'm looking in a mirror and i can't recognize myself. things have been different-- not bad and certainly not good, just different. it's not apathy this time; it's more of an attenuation of things that i care less about. the more important things are breaking through, but that makes things harder sometimes. i suddenly have more time for homework that i've been neglecting, i have time to spend with the family, and i suppose there's time for friends, though at the moment i feel quite distant from everyone. it's not them; it's definitely me.

i've been getting in the car and turning on my ipod, but it's almost as if i'm on another planet. my thoughts don't venture into new places; i guess i'm just trying to get through the day, even though i can't remotely picture what the end of my day could look like. i think of my problems (or rather, my one gigantic problem) and i get nostalgic. but not past the point of grief lasting for more than 5 minutes a day. it's more of a thought process. the more i remember, the more i learn about myself and my mistakes.

every thought has begun to silence me, especially thoughts about the wickedness of our hearts and how it plays out with the injustice in the world. i can't explain the way this feels. i almost feel temporarily disabled by a headache that doesn't hurt. i know i'm fine; i'm just confused. why the silence? why do i get in the car, listen to my favorite songs, and feel like a mute person who doesn't have a voice to sing? have i been so effected by my problems that i've driven myself into checkout mode? possibly. and now my apathy kicks in.

maybe i'm actually starting to care about myself? or maybe i've been abducted by aliens!

love is the answer...

chris tomlin sings a beautiful song that says, "love is the answer, love will find a way. when we love one another, it's a brighter day." i can't help but agree with these wonderful lyrics, but what happens when you've been hurt so badly by people who "love" you that your paradigm of love is completely twisted? your view of love becomes something tragic; it can catastrophically ruin your life and the lives of others...

something a friend brought up last night really resonated in my heart. she said, "hurt people hurt people." the clouds began to clear as i realized what this meant for me. then a great sadness hovered when i remembered the abused children i worked with at the royal family kids camp last summer. what about them? will their views and practices of love be completely distorted? it is absolutely heartbreaking.

i am realizing more and more that if we learn to love each other, truly and passionately as Christ loves us, we would drive out this problem. there wouldn't be kids committing suicide or people who cry themselves to sleep. we would all be surrounded by love in such an intense way that our problems would fizzle in the midst of a beautiful day among friends.

i long for that love.

...maybe i'm just a hippie?

yahweh

Take these shoes
Click clacking down some dead end street
Take these shoes and make them fit
Take this shirt
Polyester white trash made in nowhere
Take this shirt and make it clean, clean
Take this soul
Stranded in some skin and bonesTake this soul and make it sing

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I'm waiting for the dawn

Take these hands
Teach them what to carry
Take these hands, don't make a fist
Take this mouth
So quick to criticize
Take this mouth, give it a kiss

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a
child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh
Still I'm waiting for the dawn

The sun is coming up on the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean

Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, tell me now
Why the dark before the dawn?

Take this city
A city should be shining on a hill
Take this city
If it be your will
What no man can own,no man can take
Take this heart
Take this heart
Take this heart
And make it break

--U2: Yahweh

put your money up your butt.

i hate the total consumer attitude that everyone has here. you kind of get sucked into it when you get too close. why does everyone need to accumulate so much stuff? to impress everyone else of course. it's competition. it just gets ridiculously out of control. i hate it with a burning passion.

i'm just so bored of being here. i know it's not like this everywhere else in the world. i want to live somewhere where other things matter-- where nobody drives expensive cars or has brand name clothes exploding out of their unused clothes drawers... somewhere where nobody cares about how much money you make because they would be your friends if you were homeless or the richest person on earth.

why accumulate so much crap? what is the point? i just don't understand.