Saturday, March 29, 2008

someday i'll fly... someday i'll soar. someday i'll be something much more.

I find it incredibly disturbing that one situation has the power to mold personalities. I wonder if we, in the West, are hypersensitive to these things. Of course, terrible things happen in other countries, but do third world countries crumble under situations that aren't very serious? For example, we are raised in a society that considers you "lame" if you're a kid who doesn't have the latest video game products. Over here, that could be considered something that psychologically ruins someone; it could be something that forever molds a child's personality. It could play out as something like "my parents never loved me enough to buy me the things I wanted as a child" or "we were poor, so we never had the luxury of the rest of society"...

One tiny situation really goes a long way here. I tend to think that more serious things happen in other, less-developed countries, but mostly because the mentalities are so different everywhere else. Maybe I'm just naive. However, in my struggles, I really think it would be easier to cope if I was in a country where my issues became ridiculous compared to theirs. Maybe that explains my current hypersensitivity to all of the problems I've been hearing about in the world.

Anyway, here's something to ponder:

"'Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around.' She paused to let Mack think about her statement. 'You, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around... Living unloved is like clipping a bird's wings and removing its ability to fly.'

There's the rub. He didn't feel particularly loved at the moment.

'Mack, pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly... And if left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place.' "

--The Shack

Monday, March 24, 2008

Oh my God.

Has something ever intrigued you so much that for a moment, you forget everything you were worried about? Have you ever been so confused and just stepped into a moment of clarity that was so painstakingly clear that it terrified you? Last night, as I cried out to God about the direction of my life, I listened to this song. Somehow, I went from crying about myself to weeping over the direction the world has taken. Oh, how I wish I could change myself. Oh, how I long to make a difference. Oh my God.

Oh my God, look around this place
Your fingers reach around the bone
You set the break and set the tone
Flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain
All fools say, "Oh my God"

Oh my God, Why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed
There is no cure for our disease
Turn a phrase, and rise again
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friend
Oh my God

Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief
Weddings, boats and alibis
All drift away, and a mother cries

Liars and fools; sons and failures
Thieves will always say
Lost and found; ailing wanderers
Healers always say
Whores and angels; men with problems
Leavers always say
Brokenhearted; separated
Orphans always say
War creators; racial haters
Preachers always say
Distant fathers; fallen warriors
Givers always say
Pilgrim saints; lonely widows
Users always say
Fearful mothers; watchful doubters
Saviors always say

Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days mercy cuts so deep

If the world was how it should be,
maybe I could get some sleep

While I lay, I dream we're better,

Scales were gone and faces light

When we wake, we hate our brother

We still move to hurt each other

Sometimes I can close my eyes,

And all the fear that keeps me silent
falls below my heavy breathing,

What makes me so badly bent?

We all have a chance to murder

We all feel the need for wonder

We still want to be reminded
that the pain is worth the thunder

Sometimes when I lose my grip,
I wonder what to make of heaven

All the times I thought to reach up

All the times I had to give

Babies underneath their beds

Hospitals that cannot treat
all the wounds that money causes,

All the comforts of cathedrals

All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance

All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense

Oh my God
Oh my God

Oh my God

--Jars of Clay

Saturday, March 22, 2008

mirrors and smoke

i read the lyrics to this jars of clay song a few months ago, but i totally didn't get it. i guess i do now...

I'm feeling older than my years
I'm feeling pain inside my chest
It's love that keeps me silent
It's my silence that you detest
Rivers flow into the oceans
And oceans never fill
I want to kiss your lips, but I know I never will

Love's a hard decision to risk impending choke
But love will keep you wishing
And my heart will keep me broke

I blew flowers, gave you candy to even out the guilt
I sent you greeting cards with messages that I could never write
Rivers flow into the oceans
And oceans never fill
I want to let you know me
But I know I never will

Love's a contradiction
Many mirrors and smoke
Love will keep you wishing
My heart will keep me broke

You will always want me
And I'll always want to leave
Even though I cut your wounds
You still deny they're real
Rivers flow into the ocean
Oceans never fill
I want to lay my life down
But I know you never will

Love's a strange condition
With all the doubts it can invoke
You love keeps me wishing
And my heart keeps me broke

Baby, don't you cry, 'cause I got it all figured out
You always make me sad
But that's what true love is all about
Rivers never fill the oceans
But oceans always feel
The waters reaching deep inside them
I guess they always will

Love's a constant mission to a world you never spoke
Love, it keeps you wishing
My heart, it keeps me broke...

Mirrors and Smoke

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

just when you think your day can't be more ridiculous...

you spill hot coffee all over yourself in the middle of class and have to rush home and back to school...

what a freaking crazy day! let's just say it's a good thing that i'm laughing now.

Monday, March 17, 2008


harboring bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.

Psalms 42 (The Message)

1 A white-tailed deer drinks from the creek; I want to drink God, deep draughts of God. 2 I'm thirsty for God-alive. I wonder, "Will I ever make it - arrive and drink in God's presence?" 3 I'm on a diet of tears - tears for breakfast, tears for supper. All day long people knock at my door, Pestering, "Where is this God of yours?" 4 These are the things I go over and over, emptying out the pockets of my life. I was always at the head of the worshiping crowd, right out in front, Leading them all, eager to arrive and worship, Shouting praises, singing thanksgiving - celebrating, all of us, God's feast! 5 Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God - soon I'll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He's my God.

6 When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse everything I know of you, From Jordan depths to Hermon heights, including Mount Mizar. 7 Chaos calls to chaos, to the tune of whitewater rapids. Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers crash and crush me. 8 Then God promises to love me all day, sing songs all through the night! My life is God's prayer. 9 Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God, "Why did you let me down? Why am I walking around in tears, harassed by enemies?" 10 They're out for the kill, these tormentors with their obscenities, Taunting day after day, "Where is this God of yours?" 11 Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God - soon I'll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He's my God.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

brighter days.

Time keeps moving on
Through the sunshine and the storm
And my dreams are set in stone
And someday I’ll be who I want to be
For now I’ll wait
For the sun to shine again
And for now I’ll wait
For the rain to pass away

And I’m looking for the brighter days
When all my hurts seem to fade away
I’m looking for the brighter days to come my way

Faces come and faces go
But none seem to look my way
And walls have stood and walls have fallen
But my heart seems to wait
For now I’ll sit at the end of the road
And for now I’ll wait
At the end of the pathway

I’ll see the sun one day shine upon me
I’ll see the sun one day
And watch the nighttime turn to morning
But for now it all comes back around

And I’m looking for the brighter days
When all my hurts seem to fade away
I’m looking for the brighter days to come my way

-- Leeland, Brighter Days

Thursday, March 6, 2008

i want a haircut!

yes, it's true. i don't know why i had to blog about it.

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